Hello World & Hello Leah !

Posted in Mandarin Musings on April 16, 2017 by O.S-Hughes

This is an attempt to dust the cobwebs from my keyboard. Speaking of “chordwebs” I once had the hots for a guy in a band by the same name but let me rein myself in and focus before I go off on a random tangent. I have not written here in forever and I apologise to the select few that have read my musings in the past and wondered where I vamoosed to (there is a subtle hint in the sentence but don’t try too hard to find it). I have been up and about trying to find the balance and an increase in fruitfulness, fulfilment and metamorphosis.

 Mobolaji my darling Egbon and Dragon Slayer and I had a tiff mainly because I thought he was moving to quickly. So for a while I shunned my post as wing-woman and cheerleader but God worked on me and I was reminded that it was not my place to determine Mobolaji & Nana’s race. Fast-forward 18 months down the line and Mobolaji is one of the happiest men in the world and he shared with me something that had changed his mindset. I have paraphrased:

What we need will not always come in the manner/shape we have imagined it to look like. What you desire most might not be what you need most.  It may come at a time when one is least receptive because of the pre-occupation with wants.
Which is why we must be sensitive enough to recognize and choose what has true lasting value and benefits for the long haul.

All of these I had relegated to the deepest recesses of my mind but they had somehow been floating on the periphery,  not until I stumbled on a post reblogged by Captainquest did I consciously remember my conversation with Mobolaji.

Enjoy.  ( more of my thoughts on this in the next post)

HELLO LEAH – written by Nugwa 

http://wp.me/p2GwNK-2h

Hello Leah,

It’s hard to watch you these days. I’ve seen you go from being the bubbly robust personality full of jokes, life and love to this docile adaptation of your existence. You used to be my go to girl. For laughs, the occasional emotional high, the random deep conversation. These days, I stare into your eyes and all I see is emptiness. It’s like you were a ziploc bag full of water and then I ran a knife through it. Apt analogy because I did run a knife through you. Through your heart and soul. I emptied the contents of everything that was warm and good and fuzzy and happy. Now it’s just a hollow cocoon.

There’s someone else Leah,

It didn’t help much that I wanted Rachel from the start. She was indeed the first person I met when I first arrived on Uncle Laban’s estate. She greeted me and gave me water to wash my feet and from then on a chord was struck. I spent every free time I had trying to be with her. To be around her. Rachel was everything I found Ideal. Her dark side was one I convinced myself I could handle so I overlooked it. Especially as I wanted the Idea of her being perfect to stay forever. Hours with her grew into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and them I knew I was going to marry her.

I like you Leah,

You were never entirely out of the picture. You always were in the mix, My heart being set on Rachel notwithstanding. I’d heard Uncle Laban make remarks of how you and I would make a great couple. How you’re loyal, and kind, and strong. How you’re unreserved. That was my favorite quality about you, even when I did not know what fate had in store for us, you were unreserved. You’d dance around the fire whenever you felt like it. You’d come say hi when you wanted. Accompany me to the well and listen to me tell tales of my conflicts with Esau and my dreams at bethel, my wrestle with Yahweh. None of that “Don’t look desperate” bullcrap. I had fun being with you, being around you, getting used to you and being comfortable in you. But my decision was unflinchingly on Rachel and Rachel alone.

I was blindsided Leah,

That was the source of my frustration when everything got turned on it’s head in December. That long wedding week which constituted a cacophony of feelings when I realized I had you and not Rachel. I was confused, undecided, angry. First, at myself because I should have seen this coming, then at Laban because he let this happen. This was not the plan. I was suddenly much more invested in you than I thought I’d ever be. I hated the feeling of confusion, of indecision. So I snapped.

I’m Sorry Leah,

That’s when I had my public outrage. Snapped and screamed at everyone who was willing to listen without consideration for how you must have felt. I let it ring from the rooftops. I echoed “This changes nothing! Rachel is STILL the one! I will get her eventually!”. An angry and irrational me gave no thought to the fact that I had a bride who was just wed to me and just wanted to be with the man she loved. I said what I said and did what I did and hurt you. I hurt you real bad. Those words of public rejection and disrespect seared your soul to unimaginable lengths. I was speaking of my wife as though she was a mere roadside harlot. As though she were some concubine to be done away with and made jest of in the merriment of alcohol. As though she were worthless. As though you, Leah, my wife, were worthless.

I call you Leah for a reason. You see, Thankfully I’m not Jacob, and this isn’t the bible story. This is my life. Rachel symbolizes what we want, what we think is a great idea, what we’re hellbent on getting. Then Leah comes along. Now while I cannot say this about everyone else, Psalm 80 vs 1 runs my life. So the appearance of Leah is no coincidence. “Laban” dropped her in my laps and I was faced with a situation. Stay working for seven years? Or face life with your new bride. Thankfully I know how the story ends. Leah is the wife of Promise. It was never Rachel. Leah gave birth to Judah, the forerunner of the messiah. She gave birth the Levi, the high priests. She produced Reuben, Simeon and Gad, The defenders of Israel. She Produced Issachar Zebulun, Naphtali, Asher and Dan, the wealth, prosperity and sustenance of Jacob. With Leah alone, Israel was set. Heaven accommodated Rachel and even used her seed Joseph to save Israel and show that no stubbornness of man cannot be turned around by Yahweh. But that didn’t change the fact that Leah, not Rachel, was the promise.

Hello Leah,

I rest. I’ve stopped working just so I can get Rachel. I’ve stopped working. I’ve taken my hands off the mill and I’m coming home, to you. To our new marriage, to my promise. I’m not oblivious to the fact that the tears in your eyes are still fresh. I know that hurt and scorn will take forever to heal.

But I’m here.

There is no Rachel anymore.

There is no table of merriment and alcohol to laugh with friends at.

There is no one, and nothing else. It is me, you, and Yahweh’s promise.

I’m here Leah

I’m home,

and I’m going nowhere.


Photography  by Lumi Morgan

Dumb Prayers (8/2/13)

Posted in Mandarin Musings on July 2, 2015 by O.S-Hughes

Responses to Epoque 17-09-2015 17-49-15

My thoughts have never been more succintly captured.

Here’s a comment I left on one of my posts called

époque.

in response to Angel’s Beauty’s comment.

I think of King Hezekiah who was told by Isaiah, he was going to die and when he heard, he prayed and wept bitterly and God heard and added 15years unto his life. It is believed that those extra years did more harm than good in the bigger picture.

I need to stop over analysing and just remember that all our times and seasons are in God’s hands.
I pray his Will and Purpose is done in all our lives.

Amen!

How interesting that I would find a post many years after that shares my exact thoughts.

Please be careful what you pray for because you just might get it and much more…

Be lead by T H E    H O L Y  S P I R I T 

xo xo

“No matter what I’m asking for, God give me more of You. If I am asking for riches, give me an abundance of grace. If I’m asking for security, shelter me under Your wing. If I’m asking for companionship, be near me. God, most of my prayers are dumb. I don’t mean them to be, I just don’t have Your greater knowledge. Please don’t answer them unless it is in a way that will draw me, and others, closer to You.”

THE RIVER WALK

Read: 2 Chronicles 32:1-33:13, Romans 15:23-16:9, Psalm 25:16-22, Proverbs 20:16-18

Manasseh was twelve years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem fifty-five years. (2 Chronicles 33:1)

Epic Facepalm

Relate: David was the greatest king Israel > Judah had. No question, hands down. After David if you were looking from a purely political point of view, Solomon was probably second but Hezekiah would definitely be in the top five. He faced the greatest test the nation faced from its founding right up to the exile. If you are ranking them based on their godliness, I’d put him second. Maybe third behind Josiah. With that in mind, 2 Kings 22:1 is one of the saddest verses in the Bible.

Earlier in today’s reading, Isaiah came to Hezekiah and told him, “Put your house in order, you’re going to die.” Like the pleading baby we all can be Hezekiah cries out, “I…

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Stock Taking !

Posted in Mandarin Musings on February 21, 2015 by O.S-Hughes

Happy new year one and alll!!!!!!!!!!!

There are so many directions I could take my last  post but I would rather start with myself.

thatcher2

I constantly  hear a voice in my head and it sounds a lot like the real Iron Lady  “Olatanwa what do you really what?”

I want moreeeee…

* Metamorphosis

* Fulfilment/fruitfulness

* Balance

To name but a few and less of this pesky distressing feeling.

overwhelmed-cover

I’m on journey… seeking that which I lack.

I”ll  leave you with the words from Oscar Wilde.

Quotation-Oscar-Wilde-man-progress-funny-Meetville-Quotes-199698

Wishing us all the very best and praying that the Will of our God is perfected in all our lives.

Bisous…

O.S-H

Silence ???????????

Posted in Mandarin Musings on October 27, 2014 by O.S-Hughes

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“The profoundness of your silence….. Is like a knife cutting deep into the fibre of my sanity…”-O.S-H

The above picture is inspired by this  status of mine from years ago, apparently no be today I start to dey think deep. Lmao..

The Way of the Heart

Posted in Mandarin Musings with tags , , , , on July 2, 2014 by O.S-Hughes

14A few months ago I talked about posting the workings of a particular heart, beneath is  something just as good and possibly even better than what I started writting last year.

Enjoy The Way Of  The Heart by Sehindemi my long lost friend, if you are a regular on here, you might remember him from his post Yellow Moon.

The title Yellow Moon  was inspired by his favourite Japanese Song

[Click to Read]

Bisous ~ O.S-H

 

The Way of the Heart

She runs…no, she flies, hardly feeling the ground beneath my feet, stirring me to move faster than I ever could have imagined, she beats wildly in my chest, a trapped bird seeking to free herself of my vile cage, needing to express a desire denied her for so long, this is the moment she has been waiting for, but why it is so important I dare not think about, for I am a man snared by the handcuffs of reality, the eternal enemy of illusion, life is complex enough, no need to complicate it even further…but oh, how she has a way of defying my will, and for some reason, she has now set her sights on the most matchless of all the creatures known to man:

 

Sweeter than honey this lady is to the heart yet bitter as bile to the mind, flowing as the Nile to drown and blind all reason, she sweeps all in her wild currents for better or worse, so pick your poison, for at one time or another she rules us all, revealing herself in diverse forms, she is known by many names:

Those ancient fathers of thought called her Storge, the morning star of Aurora, which lights up every being that plunges into the troubled sea of this dark world, bestowing precious gifts of the soul, that thread of natural affection which binds others to us in strong bonds of undying devotion.

 

Nevertheless, beloved Storge, do tell me, can a mother forget her own child; indeed she can, so it might appear that even you are not quite enough, for when dawn is past and the blight of heat is felt, you just might melt; but why should I lament the cards I have been dealt, for here comes lovely Philia.

Philia the brilliance of noon, that knitting of souls, noble and virtuous, where trust is everything and loyalty is second to none, a friend that sticks closer than a brother; oh Philia, was it not you who struck brave Jonathan-that prince of old-so that he loved David more than his own soul and gave his sword and armor, scorning his own father, exposing himself to the whims of evil; but still, dear Philia, I have heard it told that no greater love has a man than he who lays down his life for his friends; why then did honorable Jonathan after realizing that his father was determined to kill David return to the city instead of going into exile with his dearest friend, refusing to be called the son of the king and choosing to suffer hardship rather than enjoy the pleasures of the palace for a time, prizing the shame of David a greater treasure than all the honors of a prince; oh Philia, where lies your sacrifice, or do your rising waters not run deep, will you too not suffice; but all is not lost, for my eyes now see an even more stunning lady coming my way, and I have heard it said far and wide that one has never known the woman until you have known her as Eros.

Eros, the luminous twilight of madness, the vitality of life, that insatiable desire and longing, a fiery arrow flying true to strike the marrow of one’s deepest parts, turning the wisest into fools and fools into the wise; oh Eros, was it not you who blinded that great giant-killer so that he looked down on she bathing and was overcome with such passion that he forgot his first love, how he murdered her husband in his frenzy and knew not what he had done till the spell was broken, the veil lifted from his eyes; what madness, does shameful Cupid truly rule us all? if I shed a tear for every time Eros conquered me, I would fill a lake of despair, begging forgiveness from every woman I have ever cared for, seeing as in this case I am the victim, a slave to passion, where shall I find release from being trapped in her fray, for surely there has to be a better way…

Agape, you say…

So…this is where she was heading, this is why she was in such a hurry, to meet up with this ghost from our past, a vision impossible to forget: here she stands looking beautiful and mystified, but not for long; slowly but surely, that dazzling smile of hers appears, grinding my fears, blinding my sight, a light shining into the winding darkness of my plight.

Why have you come?

I am not quite sure…I think I was led here by a dream.

What was it about?

Of a girl I loved, though I woke up to realize it wasn’t a kind of love I have known before.

And you came here? Why?

I suppose I was trying to live my dream.

But I am not a dream; I am real. So you must choose between us: the girl you loved in your dream; or me standing before you right here and now.

Can’t you both be one and the same?

No, we can never be the same. I can never measure up to her, so you’re just going to have to take me as I am, with the good and bad, accepting that I will never quite be exactly what you expect, because I am only human, so you must be patient with  me, believe in me, place your hopes in me, not constantly finding fault and storing up my wrongs against me. You must love me…

…Unconditionally?

Yes. Can you?

I don’t see how. Only God can do such a thing.

But…?

…I definitely will try. It’s not like I have a choice.

The heart wants what the heart wants; that is her way.

And…?

…real love should be unconditional.

This is Agape, the true love; the love we all ache for.

It is…

…The way of the heart….

 

 Related Post ~ Moonlight Conversations ; [Click to Read]

 

 

Photography Credits – Vogue/Google

Site content is © Olatanwa Seni-Hughes 2014. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Is…

Posted in Raspberry Rants! with tags , on March 19, 2014 by O.S-Hughes

Love is -C.S. Lewis

UPDATE!

I love this Carton so much and after reblogging the cartoon from  Henrietta’s Musing’s , I was not satisfied, so I decided to google Zen Pencils to find out more.

Guess what I found  the cartoon was inspired by a great man I paid tribute to in my post

{ which in summary, talks about ‘time’ and how we spend the time that we’ve been given.} Its non other than  C.S. LEWIS.

To Love at all is to be Vunerable.

Many of us hate to exhibt weakness or put in plain naij speak, we hate for anyone to find our mumu button because there’s every chance they’ll misuse it and every other chance they’ll be our BEST yet.
I love this cartoon mostly because it talks about the Heart and boy do I have a few things to say about a Heart I know or atleast I think I do.
I really loved watching his most famous work” The Chronicles of Narnia” as a child, like I could not wait for four o’çlock because that was when NTA started broadcasting programmes for Children.  Since I’ve gotten older I told myself I would take out time and dig deeper. Read more . Read the screwtape letters. I’m still slacking.

From ZEN Pencils

C.S. Lewis (1898-1963) was an Irish author most famous for the Chronicles of Narnia series. He was also a noted poet, critic and served as professor of English Literature at Oxford for 29 years. An atheist as a young man, Lewis would later  find his faith and go on to become one of the most important Christian authors of the 20th Century. I loved the Narnia books as a child and it’s interesting to find out now that the plot and characters were inspired by the Bible. 

The full version of this quote, taken from Lewis’s book, The Four Loves, reads:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

Henrietta's Musing's

Love Is...

Browsing the web being a blog whore (lol) and saw this on quickmeme.. Quite apt.

I can relate to this totally but on the bright side, it only gets better but when your heart is broken and you get told ‘it will get better’, it sounds like nonsense…

Thankful for love

Oh 3 years on wordpress already! I love you wordpress!!!

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“Mo Ni Fe Re”

Posted in Raspberry Rants! with tags , , , , on February 14, 2014 by O.S-Hughes

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‘Happy Valentine’s Day!!! My Good people! and Happy New year to you too, I hope your year is up to a beautiful start.

 I  certainly have perfected the art of retreating into my shell and not sharing my many thoughts with you.

I’m hoping that this year will be different and I will no longer wear my “introvertedness” as a quilt. 

I do have one story I’ll share with you before the first quarter is over.Its a story about a Heart I know or at least I think know.

The best way to summarise it would be to say something along the lines of ” The Fine Art of Leaping ” Or This Heart Leaped! ” I haven’t decided which accurately describes it. I’m still tinkering with the idea of making it a two or three-part post.

Now that’s’ out of the way, I read  the Sonnet below  earlier on today and I believe it will be unkind of me, if I fail to share it with you. It made me smile, and giggle.  Yes I am a softie and I absolutely Love LOVE!!!

Enjoy!

Before you start reading Chiedu’s Sonnet, I just have to say I have a thing for  Love expressed in its pure and most  indigenous form. Think of the words from Tosin Martin’s “Olo Mi ” ,  Dipo’s  “Be Your Man”  or Asa’s  “Bamidele”, I’ve always believed that expressing emotions indigenously  (especially Yoruba)  carries more weight.  I also have a thing for Pomegranates, I don’t know what it with this fruit but it makes me happy…ok bye.

Bisous!

 “Mo Ni Fe Re”   Words by Chiedu Ifeozo

The phone rings and its you

My heart sings, this is true

But I act like it doesn’t mean a thing

Like your voice isn’t my medicine

E karo

 I can’t wait to see your face

And feel the lines on your palm

Kiss your smile

Chill for a while

 

Mo ni fe re

Words simply cant explain

You get me, such beauty in simplicity

You hold me up, when I’m uncertain

You’re there, no matter how far away

 

Jo soro die die

 

I want to savor every second

The weight of every word

The depth of every emotion

This feeling,

Duro

Don’t go away again,

please wait,

I hate missing you this way

I keep counting down the days

 

Mo wa nibi yi

O wa ni be

I wake up to your call

I only wish you were here

But your voice rescues me

And I know it’ll be a good day

 

O se

 

Even when I make mistakes

You see the sun behind the eclipse

And for that I’ll always be thankful

Your love for me is beautiful

 

O dara pupo

What’s cool is even with everything

The one thing I cant live without is you

Everyday you make me feel like a winner

Its clear, you only make me better

 

Oluwa ti fun mi layo, Ayo mi tun de

Everyday I thank God I found you

 

Ma ri e laipe

Mo ni fe re

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