Do I ?


Image

Bonjour!

Ca Va ?

Je vais bien Merci.

I’m thankful for this past month, August, which I’ve chosen to call

“The Wedding Month”.

Marriage refers to the long haul and the wedding day symbolises your commitment to your spouse.

This is not an advice column. No, you don’t have the wrong page – it’s still Coral Drapings.

Many people think they are ready to go down the aisle but upon closer inspection, it will be discovered that they are not. Most are ready for the glitz that’s associated with the wedding day itself but are ill prepared for the long haul.

I once read somewhere that the singular most important decision a person can make  is whom they choose to marry as this can make or mar you.

This past month, three beautiful ladies close to my heart said I DO 
KK’s was in St Louis, Angel’s was in Lagos and Aduke’s was in MontegoBay. I couldn’t make it to St Louis, Lagos and Montego Bay, however, were mad fun (I will give details in another post).  My friend got proposed to in Jamaica… It was exciting to see the love birds…

Speaking to the brides after their wedding day, they sound content and at peace – like they married their best friends; like all the stress was well worth it.

You might wonder why I said stress. Weddings are not easy to plan and execute. There’s so much that goes into it: plans A, B and C are necessary just so you don’t get any surprises, and the politics involved is out of this world. Many a bride become bridezilla along the way. I dof my hat to these ladies and how they pulled off their special days.

It was great to see my old friends from way back when and all those aunties/uncles I hadn’t seen in eons. The one thing that can be annoying about running into these people are the questions they ask:

“Sooooo O!, when are we doing your own?”

“Anything on the horizon?”

“I haven’t gotten my invitation in the post, abi o ni invite me ni?”

I had a chat with my cousin’s fiancé the other day and he goes: ‘Since I’ve known you, OSH, you’ve been single and you are such a beautiful young woman. I’m at a loss here, you should have men dropping at your feet.’

I wouldn’t realize until later that pmsing and this sort of conversation don’t go together. (Pmsing refers to a particular time when my senses are heightened, this can sometimes cause irrational behaviour)

I tried to calmly explain to him that I haven’t found anyone who has the right combination. More like the person with the right combination hasn’t found me yet,  being that it is not in the woman’s place to go looking.

The right combination for me would look  a little  something like this:

– A healthy dose of the fear of God
– The character of the man in;

Isaiah 11: 2-5.  Songs of Solomon 5: 10-16. 1 Timothy 3:1-10
– A leader who is also a visionary.

I personally believe that there’s nothing worse than being with someone whose vision isn’t aligned with yours.

When I say ‘leader’, I’m also talking about someone who can challenge me to be better.

Add-ons such as a:

– Strong sense of style
– A taste for the art world (doesn’t consider anything art-related a bore).
– The ability to hold his own in the kitchen.
are strongly desired bonuses.

“And you haven’t found any such person in all the years I’ve known you?”

Of course I’ve met men with almost all ticks in the box but its never complete.

I realize now, that we aren’t all perfect.
The real questions are   DO I

– Have most of the attributes of the woman in Proverbs 31:10-31?

– Have the grace to no longer be selfish and self-centred? (We all have our moments when all we can think of is our interest)?

– Have the grace to deal with and accept  my potential partner’s Idiosyncrasies?

– Have that peace which passeth all human understanding? That peace that will lead me to believe I’m not short changing myself; that peace that will keep my eyes from wondering; that peace that will equal contentment.

So until the right man for me comes along and asks me “Will you be my moon? knowing that God made the sun and moon to harmonise in perfect tune, neither can do without the other. They just have to be together…”
[See Yellow Moon Here http://bit.ly/NFtfFH ]

I’m content to wait, Till he asks,  because as I read somewhere, “Getting married is not an achievement but having a successful marriage is a super achievement… One will have to learn quite a number of new things, unlearn & relearn others.”

Speaking of learning, let me leave you with a little nugget of  advice IGP shared with me.

“When a couple stand together, The woman should always be on the side where the man’s Heart is.. which is his left side. With his left he shields her, so that his right hand is free to defend her…””

“When a couple sit, whoever does the introduction should be able to say
‘Mr & Mrs Seni-Hughes’
without a glitch.”

I like to think of my future man as my dragon- slayer.. hehehe  ]

Love Always

O.S-Hughes

So I was rereading “Random facts about Olatanwa”  and that ‘s when I realised I left something out …

Its something I say to all my friends,   I believe its the  reason the Pickings have become even slimmer still.

“I’m attracted to smart people … as I’m quite certain it wouldn’t be hard for a smart person to keep my interest piqued.” 

– extracted from Random facts about Olatanwa ♥

https://coraldrapings.wordpress.com/2011/03/29/random-facts-about-ola

Photography by Tunji Sarumi

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6 thoughts on “Do I ?

  1. Tanwa! You’re a girl after my heart.

    The idea of “not settling” seems to be a foreign concept to many – good thing you’ve got your head properly screwed on.

    This post just highlights how much you’ve evolved in the years I’ve known you and I’m super proud of the fine young lady you’ve become/are becoming.

    Here’s to an amazing journey ahead x

  2. Cough Cough!

    I’m very sure you mean a ‘Lady’ after your heart!….

    It aint me o, its The Potter doing what He does best…

    Olarenwaju love, when they talk of “Ore to ti di Ebi” you readily come to mind…

    Thank you for being there always….

    Now that we are on the subject of the journey ahead.. Who is your CBM?

    1. Mrs Angel!!!!!
      Thanks a lot … Very wise words – “Marriage is too long a journey to settle for mediocrity” …
      Congratulations again Mrs A..
      I had so much fun at your wedding,
      Have I told you how much I love your wedding dress? O So graceful..
      & this isn’t me coaxing you,
      To improve the chances of being named your child’s godmother..

      Laugh all u want O,
      but when he says he is gonna bring me breakfast in bed one day..
      I want my stomach to be able to do cartwheels in anticipation..
      Because like you…I’m a Foodie!
      I’m unashamed to say My Palate Loves to be Pampered!

  3. I just kept nodding while reading through this. I totally agree with you, especially on the being with a person whose vision is not aligned with yours. That, is a real tragedy, and I believe is what it means to be unequally yoked. Thanks for this!

    1. Hi Sharon,

      Thanks for stopping by and thanks for the food for thought.

      Yes O!,
      Being unequally yoked.
      Its so easy to get carried away with what’s right in front of us rather than waiting for what we deserve.
      this is something I had to deal with when I wrote the poem Solace in 2009 .

      This just reminds me of the verse where it says
      “The blessings of the Lord brings us wealth (happiness) and it adds no sorrow.” Proverbs 10:22

      Which I literally understand to mean if one gets unequally yoked, then one should be prepared for some sorrow down the line.

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