Archive for the Mandarin Musings Category

Hello World & Hello Leah !

Posted in Mandarin Musings on April 16, 2017 by O.S-Hughes

This is an attempt to dust the cobwebs from my keyboard. Speaking of “chordwebs” I once had the hots for a guy in a band by the same name but let me rein myself in and focus before I go off on a random tangent. I have not written here in forever and I apologise to the select few that have read my musings in the past and wondered where I vamoosed to (there is a subtle hint in the sentence but don’t try too hard to find it). I have been up and about trying to find the balance and an increase in fruitfulness, fulfilment and metamorphosis.

 Mobolaji my darling Egbon and Dragon Slayer and I had a tiff mainly because I thought he was moving to quickly. So for a while I shunned my post as wing-woman and cheerleader but God worked on me and I was reminded that it was not my place to determine Mobolaji & Nana’s race. Fast-forward 18 months down the line and Mobolaji is one of the happiest men in the world and he shared with me something that had changed his mindset. I have paraphrased:

What we need will not always come in the manner/shape we have imagined it to look like. What you desire most might not be what you need most.  It may come at a time when one is least receptive because of the pre-occupation with wants.
Which is why we must be sensitive enough to recognize and choose what has true lasting value and benefits for the long haul.

All of these I had relegated to the deepest recesses of my mind but they had somehow been floating on the periphery,  not until I stumbled on a post reblogged by Captainquest did I consciously remember my conversation with Mobolaji.

Enjoy.  ( more of my thoughts on this in the next post)

HELLO LEAH – written by Nugwa

Hello Leah,

It’s hard to watch you these days. I’ve seen you go from being the bubbly robust personality full of jokes, life and love to this docile adaptation of your existence. You used to be my go to girl. For laughs, the occasional emotional high, the random deep conversation. These days, I stare into your eyes and all I see is emptiness. It’s like you were a ziploc bag full of water and then I ran a knife through it. Apt analogy because I did run a knife through you. Through your heart and soul. I emptied the contents of everything that was warm and good and fuzzy and happy. Now it’s just a hollow cocoon.

There’s someone else Leah,

It didn’t help much that I wanted Rachel from the start. She was indeed the first person I met when I first arrived on Uncle Laban’s estate. She greeted me and gave me water to wash my feet and from then on a chord was struck. I spent every free time I had trying to be with her. To be around her. Rachel was everything I found Ideal. Her dark side was one I convinced myself I could handle so I overlooked it. Especially as I wanted the Idea of her being perfect to stay forever. Hours with her grew into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and them I knew I was going to marry her.

I like you Leah,

You were never entirely out of the picture. You always were in the mix, My heart being set on Rachel notwithstanding. I’d heard Uncle Laban make remarks of how you and I would make a great couple. How you’re loyal, and kind, and strong. How you’re unreserved. That was my favorite quality about you, even when I did not know what fate had in store for us, you were unreserved. You’d dance around the fire whenever you felt like it. You’d come say hi when you wanted. Accompany me to the well and listen to me tell tales of my conflicts with Esau and my dreams at bethel, my wrestle with Yahweh. None of that “Don’t look desperate” bullcrap. I had fun being with you, being around you, getting used to you and being comfortable in you. But my decision was unflinchingly on Rachel and Rachel alone.

I was blindsided Leah,

That was the source of my frustration when everything got turned on it’s head in December. That long wedding week which constituted a cacophony of feelings when I realized I had you and not Rachel. I was confused, undecided, angry. First, at myself because I should have seen this coming, then at Laban because he let this happen. This was not the plan. I was suddenly much more invested in you than I thought I’d ever be. I hated the feeling of confusion, of indecision. So I snapped.

I’m Sorry Leah,

That’s when I had my public outrage. Snapped and screamed at everyone who was willing to listen without consideration for how you must have felt. I let it ring from the rooftops. I echoed “This changes nothing! Rachel is STILL the one! I will get her eventually!”. An angry and irrational me gave no thought to the fact that I had a bride who was just wed to me and just wanted to be with the man she loved. I said what I said and did what I did and hurt you. I hurt you real bad. Those words of public rejection and disrespect seared your soul to unimaginable lengths. I was speaking of my wife as though she was a mere roadside harlot. As though she were some concubine to be done away with and made jest of in the merriment of alcohol. As though she were worthless. As though you, Leah, my wife, were worthless.

I call you Leah for a reason. You see, Thankfully I’m not Jacob, and this isn’t the bible story. This is my life. Rachel symbolizes what we want, what we think is a great idea, what we’re hellbent on getting. Then Leah comes along. Now while I cannot say this about everyone else, Psalm 80 vs 1 runs my life. So the appearance of Leah is no coincidence. “Laban” dropped her in my laps and I was faced with a situation. Stay working for seven years? Or face life with your new bride. Thankfully I know how the story ends. Leah is the wife of Promise. It was never Rachel. Leah gave birth to Judah, the forerunner of the messiah. She gave birth the Levi, the high priests. She produced Reuben, Simeon and Gad, The defenders of Israel. She Produced Issachar Zebulun, Naphtali, Asher and Dan, the wealth, prosperity and sustenance of Jacob. With Leah alone, Israel was set. Heaven accommodated Rachel and even used her seed Joseph to save Israel and show that no stubbornness of man cannot be turned around by Yahweh. But that didn’t change the fact that Leah, not Rachel, was the promise.

Hello Leah,

I rest. I’ve stopped working just so I can get Rachel. I’ve stopped working. I’ve taken my hands off the mill and I’m coming home, to you. To our new marriage, to my promise. I’m not oblivious to the fact that the tears in your eyes are still fresh. I know that hurt and scorn will take forever to heal.

But I’m here.

There is no Rachel anymore.

There is no table of merriment and alcohol to laugh with friends at.

There is no one, and nothing else. It is me, you, and Yahweh’s promise.

I’m here Leah

I’m home and I’m going nowhere.

Love Always,


Photography  by Lumi Morgan

Dumb Prayers (8/2/13)

Posted in Mandarin Musings on July 2, 2015 by O.S-Hughes

Responses to Epoque 17-09-2015 17-49-15

My thoughts have never been more succintly captured.

Here’s a comment I left on one of my posts called


in response to Angel’s Beauty’s comment.

I think of King Hezekiah who was told by Isaiah, he was going to die and when he heard, he prayed and wept bitterly and God heard and added 15years unto his life. It is believed that those extra years did more harm than good in the bigger picture.

I need to stop over analysing and just remember that all our times and seasons are in God’s hands.
I pray his Will and Purpose is done in all our lives.


How interesting that I would find a post many years after that shares my exact thoughts.

Please be careful what you pray for because you just might get it and much more…

Be lead by T H E    H O L Y  S P I R I T 

xo xo

“No matter what I’m asking for, God give me more of You. If I am asking for riches, give me an abundance of grace. If I’m asking for security, shelter me under Your wing. If I’m asking for companionship, be near me. God, most of my prayers are dumb. I don’t mean them to be, I just don’t have Your greater knowledge. Please don’t answer them unless it is in a way that will draw me, and others, closer to You.”


Read: 2 Chronicles 32:1-33:13, Romans 15:23-16:9, Psalm 25:16-22, Proverbs 20:16-18

Manasseh was twelve years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem fifty-five years. (2 Chronicles 33:1)

Epic Facepalm

Relate: David was the greatest king Israel > Judah had. No question, hands down. After David if you were looking from a purely political point of view, Solomon was probably second but Hezekiah would definitely be in the top five. He faced the greatest test the nation faced from its founding right up to the exile. If you are ranking them based on their godliness, I’d put him second. Maybe third behind Josiah. With that in mind, 2 Kings 22:1 is one of the saddest verses in the Bible.

Earlier in today’s reading, Isaiah came to Hezekiah and told him, “Put your house in order, you’re going to die.” Like the pleading baby we all can be Hezekiah cries out, “I…

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Stock Taking !

Posted in Mandarin Musings on February 21, 2015 by O.S-Hughes

Happy new year one and alll!!!!!!!!!!!

There are so many directions I could take my last  post but I would rather start with myself.


I constantly  hear a voice in my head and it sounds a lot like the real Iron Lady  “Olatanwa what do you really what?”

I want moreeeee…

* Metamorphosis

* Fulfilment/fruitfulness

* Balance

To name but a few and less of this pesky distressing feeling.


I’m on journey… seeking that which I lack.

I”ll  leave you with the words from Oscar Wilde.


Wishing us all the very best and praying that the Will of our God is perfected in all our lives.



Silence ???????????

Posted in Mandarin Musings on October 27, 2014 by O.S-Hughes


“The profoundness of your silence….. Is like a knife cutting deep into the fibre of my sanity…”-O.S-H

The above picture is inspired by this  status of mine from years ago, apparently no be today I start to dey think deep. Lmao..

The Way of the Heart

Posted in Mandarin Musings with tags , , , , on July 2, 2014 by O.S-Hughes

14A few months ago I talked about posting the workings of a particular heart, beneath is  something just as good and possibly even better than what I started writting last year.

Enjoy The Way Of  The Heart by Sehindemi my long lost friend, if you are a regular on here, you might remember him from his post Yellow Moon.

The title Yellow Moon  was inspired by his favourite Japanese Song

[Click to Read]

Bisous ~ O.S-H


The Way of the Heart

She runs…no, she flies, hardly feeling the ground beneath my feet, stirring me to move faster than I ever could have imagined, she beats wildly in my chest, a trapped bird seeking to free herself of my vile cage, needing to express a desire denied her for so long, this is the moment she has been waiting for, but why it is so important I dare not think about, for I am a man snared by the handcuffs of reality, the eternal enemy of illusion, life is complex enough, no need to complicate it even further…but oh, how she has a way of defying my will, and for some reason, she has now set her sights on the most matchless of all the creatures known to man:


Sweeter than honey this lady is to the heart yet bitter as bile to the mind, flowing as the Nile to drown and blind all reason, she sweeps all in her wild currents for better or worse, so pick your poison, for at one time or another she rules us all, revealing herself in diverse forms, she is known by many names:

Those ancient fathers of thought called her Storge, the morning star of Aurora, which lights up every being that plunges into the troubled sea of this dark world, bestowing precious gifts of the soul, that thread of natural affection which binds others to us in strong bonds of undying devotion.


Nevertheless, beloved Storge, do tell me, can a mother forget her own child; indeed she can, so it might appear that even you are not quite enough, for when dawn is past and the blight of heat is felt, you just might melt; but why should I lament the cards I have been dealt, for here comes lovely Philia.

Philia the brilliance of noon, that knitting of souls, noble and virtuous, where trust is everything and loyalty is second to none, a friend that sticks closer than a brother; oh Philia, was it not you who struck brave Jonathan-that prince of old-so that he loved David more than his own soul and gave his sword and armor, scorning his own father, exposing himself to the whims of evil; but still, dear Philia, I have heard it told that no greater love has a man than he who lays down his life for his friends; why then did honorable Jonathan after realizing that his father was determined to kill David return to the city instead of going into exile with his dearest friend, refusing to be called the son of the king and choosing to suffer hardship rather than enjoy the pleasures of the palace for a time, prizing the shame of David a greater treasure than all the honors of a prince; oh Philia, where lies your sacrifice, or do your rising waters not run deep, will you too not suffice; but all is not lost, for my eyes now see an even more stunning lady coming my way, and I have heard it said far and wide that one has never known the woman until you have known her as Eros.

Eros, the luminous twilight of madness, the vitality of life, that insatiable desire and longing, a fiery arrow flying true to strike the marrow of one’s deepest parts, turning the wisest into fools and fools into the wise; oh Eros, was it not you who blinded that great giant-killer so that he looked down on she bathing and was overcome with such passion that he forgot his first love, how he murdered her husband in his frenzy and knew not what he had done till the spell was broken, the veil lifted from his eyes; what madness, does shameful Cupid truly rule us all? if I shed a tear for every time Eros conquered me, I would fill a lake of despair, begging forgiveness from every woman I have ever cared for, seeing as in this case I am the victim, a slave to passion, where shall I find release from being trapped in her fray, for surely there has to be a better way…

Agape, you say…

So…this is where she was heading, this is why she was in such a hurry, to meet up with this ghost from our past, a vision impossible to forget: here she stands looking beautiful and mystified, but not for long; slowly but surely, that dazzling smile of hers appears, grinding my fears, blinding my sight, a light shining into the winding darkness of my plight.

Why have you come?

I am not quite sure…I think I was led here by a dream.

What was it about?

Of a girl I loved, though I woke up to realize it wasn’t a kind of love I have known before.

And you came here? Why?

I suppose I was trying to live my dream.

But I am not a dream; I am real. So you must choose between us: the girl you loved in your dream; or me standing before you right here and now.

Can’t you both be one and the same?

No, we can never be the same. I can never measure up to her, so you’re just going to have to take me as I am, with the good and bad, accepting that I will never quite be exactly what you expect, because I am only human, so you must be patient with  me, believe in me, place your hopes in me, not constantly finding fault and storing up my wrongs against me. You must love me…


Yes. Can you?

I don’t see how. Only God can do such a thing.


…I definitely will try. It’s not like I have a choice.

The heart wants what the heart wants; that is her way.


…real love should be unconditional.

This is Agape, the true love; the love we all ache for.

It is…

…The way of the heart….


 Related Post ~ Moonlight Conversations ; [Click to Read]



Photography Credits – Vogue/Google

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Posted in Mandarin Musings with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2013 by O.S-Hughes

Lagos living Today, some 50 odd years ago, a great man was shot dead.  Another great man & prolific writer died. As a Kennedy and an almost C.S Lewis  aficionado, I join the rest of the world as we remember two greats JFK and C.S Lewis.

Since I last wrote, it seems the thought of death hasn’t been far from my conscious mind and it’s almost as though the moment my heart begins to heal and focus on other themes, another person exits the scene and yet again death is brought back to the fore.

It is a universal truth that death will come. It is the “how” and the “when” that most people are unsure of.

If you got the chance to view my mental pin board, you would see in my mind, clippings from various magazines, ideas I’m still to birth, places I’d love to visit and people I’ve been inspired by and would love to meet. Near the top left corner of the board you would see pictures of two inspiring people: Chinua Achebe and Margaret Thatcher [ Random fact: Iron Lady, resigned her post as Prime Minister on this day , 23 years ago.] . These people excelled in their chosen fields, the stories of their countries cannot be told without the parts they played. Their deaths did not come as a total shock only because these greats were already in their vintage years. However, no matter how old a person gets, it’s always sad to see a loved one go. I was even more sad, because I never got a chance to meet these greats.

There are those deaths that  creep up on you, the ones we least expect. June came and I received word of Aunt Bea. Where do I begin Aunt Bea’s story, do I start with her sense of style,  or how she could expertly  turn any frown into an instant smile, there was never a dull moment with her. Few people have a heart of gold forever putting others before them. Aunt Bea was one of such people, she lead a life of service. She was passionate about Jesus and sang beautifully.    Aunt Bea was a hard worker and one day collapsed whilst at work. When she was revived she got ten days off work to ensure she was back at optimum before she resumed. Just before she was to resume work, she went to church dressed as elegantly as usual  but this time with extra umph. She looked so radiant and each step she took you could tell that this was someone busting at her seams with gratitude to God for His mercy. He had sustained her and given her a new lease of life. As she took the stage with her family, smiling from ear to ear, she  said she had fifteen songs to accompany her testimony but because of time she’ll cut it short. As she began to sing there was a loud bang, it took a few seconds  for all to realized the sound was from the microphone falling from Aunt Bea’s hand as she fell into a comatose state. Her last acts on earth would be to begin a testimony of God’s goodness to her.  As I sat at the wake keep ceremony and watched on a screen the last minutes of her life replayed for all to see, I began to wonder about my life and what would happen, if  I died that very moment. What will my maker say to me? Would He be pleased? would I have achieved the purpose for which I was created? I sat there and listened to the accolades that poured out, Aunt Bea was the same at church and at work, bubbly and full of life. She had a regular 8-5 whose closing time almost always exceeded 5 and sometimes ran into late hours of the night. Yet she found time to lead the choir and the women’s fellowship. One question popped up in my heart , What excuse would you give God for not devoting more time to doing His will?  I thought of a few, but none of them held water. I came away feeling ashamed. Aunt Bea’s sun had set and this was a timely reminder for me that  one day my sun will set too.  The words of John 9; 4b  ring so trueee “Night is coming, when no man can work.”

In mid July while I was still taking in Aunt Bea’s passing and chiding  myself for not giving enough of my talent, myself and my time to others. I heard Aunt Yebode had gone too. I was in complete shock, there are no words to describe the feeling, she was beautiful inside and out. One afternoon, I bumped into Bola Krafts’s post talking about THE First Bola Krafts Cares Project. How she knitted the most adorable items for babies in intensive care,you can tell from the pictures that all items were done with love. [from what I could see she also has an 8 to 5]   for details of the first Bola Krafts Cares project click here   and here Classic example of using her talent to bring smiles to the faces of others.

August and September went by like a blur. There’s a certain aliment that often plagues me and during this period the episodes of this aliment occurred more frequently than ever, I had to be hospitalized for a few hours on two different occasions to get me back on track.  One September morning a few sick leaves later, I was on the way to work, when news of Oyewunmi filtered in. I was not close to her, but I always saw her at family functions and we would greet cordially and play catch up. Hearing that a familiar face had just died from an aliment that plagues you can send you spiraling out of control. I was lost in thought too many times , thoughts like, “that could have been me” popped up without invitation, they were always lurking…

Some of you may remember my previous post September This September was a little intense than others. I missed him more than ever.

October came and brought with it a sense of peace and hope, I had been given another chance. I remember two Octobers ago I was petrified at the thought of adding another year, because to me my life was not where I thought it should be and things were not  going according to my plan. Lets just say that this year I had on a quilt of peace, no anxiety as to what stage I am at or whats not happening yet.

This peace came from the understanding that ALL things [ every single thing that happens to me] will work together for my good.- Romans 8;28. When doubt tries to rear its head, my heart whispers the words of  Jeremiah 29:11    “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, they are  thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” I’m learning to Let Go! it’s quite hard, especially because there were certain  things I had already envisioned and  had no doubt in my mind they would fall through the way I had planned and hoped.

November always brings with it newness. I think of November as my new year, I particularly reflect and identify the areas in my life that need a positive change. I set a few goals at the beginning of the month and I’m hoping I stay consistent till the end.

Aunt Bea and Bola Krafts have jointly inspired me to find my talent and give more.  I also realize giving is not limited to money or gifts., these are easy to give and sometimes require no extra thought or effort. A person can give of their time and of their essence , take a few more minutes to decide what gift will greatly benefit your intended recipient . Another Season of Love is almost upon us, Lets remember to give more as we also put extra thought to the reason for this season.

My prayer is that when I stand before my Maker I would have used up all the talent deposited in me.

Speak soon.

Mille Bisous!


Photograpy by Lumi Morgan

Colliding Cores!!!

Posted in Mandarin Musings on June 3, 2013 by O.S-Hughes


I feel his core close to mine

The layers of fabric do nothing to stop the pulsation

My body screams, “OH! It’s been so long”

My spirit says, “NO! You have to stay strong”

My heart is silent, confused about what it feels

My head is certain this is going no place but downhill

My core is humming

My nips are thumping

My back is arching

Scratch that, my back is arched

My eyes are glistening

I say to him, “please stop”

He says to me, “you don’t sound convincing”

I try again, “PLEASE stop”

He asks, “Do you really want me to?”

He doesn’t wait for a reply

He gets up and leaves

I start to cry

As I roll down my sleeves

The throbbing stills

The thumping takes a cue

I think I hear my flesh cursing

But I’m sure I hear my spirit singing

MAY 28, 2013 BY 

This was me in April, and  all the while a soft voice kept whispering over & over again….

I adjure you, O! Olatanwa [maidens of Jerusalem ] , Omo Babasanya, Seni-Hughes

by the gazelles yes, by all the wild deer of the open fields:

Do not awaken or arouse LOVE until it pleases!

There must be a reason this instruction appears three times in the book of Songs of Solomon

UPDATE, Nov 24, 2013:  It has become my custom to re-read all my posts and most times, I find something to tweak. Today  I bumped into another  passage that speaks to the Heart of this Matter.

“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts.

Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace.    

Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.”   2Timothy 2;22

I have a friend who ran away and it drove me mad.

I’m not sure he had read this particular scripture before he ran, but this passage gives a bit of clarity.

Have you ever been in this kind of  situation or something similar?

How did you handle it?

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